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17th Feb 18
Are you one of the many whose internal mantra revolves around these words: “I’m not good enough?” You are? Let’s look at those words again. "I am not good enough". Really? Is that true? Says who? You? Ok, so let’s break it down. What quantifies not being good enough? What is being good enough? Who do we need to be good enough for?
Most of us can’t remember where these self-fulfilling prophecies come from. The answer starts in our childhood, the age when we soak up everything that we are told about ourselves by our peers, teachers, parents and those in authority. As children we take words literally, especially when it concerns anything to do with our person. The teacher that tells the pupil that they are stupid, the parent that constantly tells the child that they are naughty, the times our hopes and dreams are sneered at, the occasion when we said or did something and was publically humiliated, the times we were told: ‘you can’t do that!’ or ’if you do that then you must be this type of person’. We soak it all up like a sponge, completely unable to differentiate between someone’s opinion and the truth and all the while our confidence slowly erodes away.
Consider this. What if those opinions were wrong? What if those opinions were formed by someone whose only knowledge had been passed down to them from the narrow-minded opinion of others? What if those opinions couldn’t be further from the truth?
Sometimes the most innocent comment can have a major impact on another. It certainly doesn’t mean they are true! As a child with fine, flyaway hair, my mum was told that if I had my hair cut short, it would grow back thicker. So at the age of around 7, I was marched to the hairdressers, had my hair shorn so short, that when one of my father’s old cronies commented to my dad 'what a fine, young man you have there' I was absolutely mortified! I remember wailing: "But I'm a girl! I've got earrings in!" only to be shushed by my dad for fear of embarrasing his friend!
The second and absolutely last time I allowed my hair to be cut short was as an adult. Consequently I spent several months in a deep depression until it grew back. Why? Because I had accepted the opinion that I looked completely unfeminine with short hair and for some reason that deeply mattered. I never considered that perhaps my dad's friend had poor eyesight, that maybe he thought only boys wore trousers (we are going back a good few years lol), that maybe he didn't notice that I had both ears pierced in a time when it was unheard of for boys to wear one earring, let alone two! What he said was meant as a compliment, he would never have imagined that I'd carry his words for life and that for me they were anything but a compliment!
We all have an innate desire to feel good. Unfortunately though, there are some whose only way to feel good is by deliberately putting others down. During childhood and into adulthood we may be unlucky enough to keep the company of those negative types either through work, relationships or family that simply reinforce our misguided beliefs because it gives them power over us. Yet again I reiterate, these are merely opinions and not the truth!
On the flip side of the coin we get the narcissists. Scroll through social media and you’ll soon come across the ‘aren’t I wonderful’ posts. If you’re already in the habit of putting yourself down, then these types of posts can give your negative self-beliefs credence. The downward spiral swings into motion with feelings of inadequacy raising their ugly head once more. But have you ever considered that maybe these ‘I am wonderful’ posts are an attempt by someone who is also insecure attempting to gain adoration to make themselves feel better? You know, not everything is really quite what it seems.
“Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results”. Albert Einstein
So how about daring to change your mind set? How about believing that you are an incredible being capable of anything that you set your mind to? Now THAT is the truth! You are not the opinions of others! You are not your thoughts! We are all perfectly imperfect, doing the best that we can and if we always do our best, even if our best varies from one day to the next, then we can’t ask any more of ourselves than that. You are good enough, so go on repeat after me:
I AM good enough!
I am MORE than enough!
I choose to BELIEVE I am good enough!
I KNOW I am good enough!
I AM good enough!
Repeat, repeat, repeat, day after day after day, until this new mantra of TRUTH becomes such that it is completely absorbed into your very core and self-doubt is no longer in your vocabulary. Ditch the negative, reinforce the positive and step into PEACE.
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